Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Mutton Chops for the Real Man

- two mutton chops, largely thawed and with their corners chewed off
- two instant noodle flavour sachets (possibly chicken, possibly not - no packet)
- worcestershire sauce (shake to dislodge chunks first)
- soy sauce (diluted Promite™ may be substituted)
- one can of beer (for the chef)
- dried green stuff for garnish (don’t worry, it’ll vanish during cooking)

1. Walk home through the door feeling kinda irritable and ratty - kick out at cat. Miss.
2. Open fridge and lean moodily on door, decide the one remaining can of beer is not enough in and of itself for an evening meal.
3. Spend a few minutes scrabbling through the deep-freeze with numbing fingers, finally excavating a frost coated lump which turns out to be a couple of mutton chops. Decide that’ll do. Spurn the addition of frozen veges as too complicated and leave them behind.
4. Half-heartedly defrost chops. You may impatiently use too high a setting and too little time, in which case trim off the cooked bits and eat then. The half-frozen middle will sort itself out, I’m sure. (Anything less is for wimps only.)
5. Drop first chop into some sort of dish-thing you found in the sink, douse in soy and worcestershire, then coat with one flavour sachet. Repeat for second chop, then sprinkle a bit of what might be parsley on the top one for the look of it.

1. Chuck this lot in the microwave. Nuke for about 4-5 minutes on Med-MedHigh or something like that.
2. Take dish out to check. Swear and suck at scalded fingers. Wait a bit, then repeat above step, but for less time.
3. Gingerly lift top chop onto plate, and taste.
4. Swear (somewhat muffled now) and wonder where the skin from the roof of your mouth has gone. Leave to cool a bit and try again.
5. Decide to cook second chop for another couple minutes, as first was a bit pinkish on the lower side.
6. Maybe one more minute. The marrow wasn’t quite done either.

What to do with leftover runny stuff? I hear you cry. Drop in a half-dozen frozen mini sausage rolls, leave to soak a bit then turn over. Give them a quick burst on high, wisely leave to cool a bit and away you go. Dish may be put back into sink for tomorrow night’s efforts.

An excellent feed. Might need more beer though.

Bon appetîte!

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